Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
