for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
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We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
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And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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