like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
