I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
