Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
