Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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