No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
