So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
