You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
