ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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