I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You smell like stripper and shame
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
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Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
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I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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