he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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