I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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