we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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