i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Are my feet made of real feet?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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