Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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