dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
