I should be sponsored by Trojan
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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