the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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