We won't sleep together?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
