she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
