from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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