i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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