This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
