It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
