If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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