batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
