actually, I'm a sock model
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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