I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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