Yo dont text me then not text me
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
