some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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