So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
