so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
