NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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