This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
