Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
