Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
