There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
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Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
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Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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