I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
