Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Your dad touched me again.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
