i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
