i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize