I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
