Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
