He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
