she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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