he wants to bone in the snuggie
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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