We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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