So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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