imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
