I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
