I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
