mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
