He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
