I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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