like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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