I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just high enough for therapy.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
