Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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