Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
