just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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