So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
