literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I pour the whiskey from now on
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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