eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
