im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
