I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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