if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
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