who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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