he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
