he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
