Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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